


Friend or foe

by Donya



Series: CAW CAW Team Iron Man [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Date Rape, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Stony - Freeform, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unrequited Love, and gets it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:53:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7043290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is hopelessly in love with Steve and knows Cap doesn't even like him. When Steve invites him over one day, Tony isn't sure if it's a date or not. When he discovers it's actually a trap, it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friend or foe

From the very beginning, Tony knew his crush on Steve was hopeless. The age gap, different value systems, Steve's opinion of Tony... As much as he wanted the tension between them to be of sexual nature, he knew the Cap was exasperated with him, regardless of what he was doing. Poor Steve, he had to put up with not one but two Starks, both highly annoying.

Still, Tony didn't suppress his feelings. All the heartache, longing and sexual frustration, he almost forgot how bittersweet and painful unrequited love is. He would let his mind wander off into the fantasy land, where Steve loved him as he was, with all the imperfections. Much better than the harsh reality. 

In everyone's life there comes a time when the wildest dream come true. Stars align and gods grant the boldest wish, causing the lucky one to wonder if they are dreaming. After months of glancing at Steve and creating ridiculous metal scenarios of how they would get together, it actually happened. Tony pinched his arm the whole time, asking himself for the hundredth time if it was a date or if he misinterpreted Steve's motivation. They were at Steve's, emptying the second bottle of wine and talking. Just the two of them, Steve did not invite anyone else. Despite being a playboy, Tony was clueless about the meaning of that evening. Two friends chatting about work or an introduction to something far more exciting? Steve did not confess his passionate love or Tony, just topped his wine glass generously and smiled warmly. What did that mean? Steve's attitude towards Tony changed that night from constant disapproval to... something akin to friendship, perhaps. Steve either lost a bet or that sudden change of heart was a side effect of getting defrosted.

'I should go now,' Tony said firmly, hoping to hear 'stay'.

'If you have to,' Steve nodded and gathered the glasses and the empty bottles.

Tony frowned behind his back, disappointed and took his jacket. He was about to awkwardly thank for the wine when Steve caught his wrist and pulled him close. The kiss was exactly as sweet and deep as in Tony's dreams. His heart raced, knees shook and his mind was on fire. Steve did like him or at least desired him. He clung to the serum-enhanced body, just like he always wanted and palmed the rock-hard muscles. In return, Steve's hands slid from Tony's back to his ass and squeezed it with a clear intent to leave bruises.

'Captain, you're full of surprises,' Tony grinned, hardening instantly. Steve knew what he was doing, against the odds. So he really was not a virgin, who would have thought. Certainly not Tony, even though Steve's tongue was half-way down his throat and his jeans were impatiently yanked down. 

'Take off your clothes,' Steve demanded and moved away from Tony, who swayed without the support of Steve's solid frame.

'Is that an order?' Tony asked teasingly while fighting with the buttons of his shirt. 'What if I say no? Are you going to punish me?'

'Maybe,' Steve narrowed his eyes and undressed quickly. The sight of that perfect male form on full display could give Tony a heart-stopping orgasm. The serum made everything bigger. Tony prided himself on his control over his gag reflex but the cock he was staring with a mixture of lust and worry would certainly choke him. He wanted it so badly.

'Oh, Captain. I've been bad,' he giggled, wondering if Steve could actually spank him. The innocent, pure cupcakes who are secretly disturbingly kinky had a special place in Tony's heart.

The bedroom was dimly lit, yet one thing caught Tony's eye at once. Two sets of handcuffs, attached to the bed frame. Bondage? Steve and bondage? The shock of a lifetime. Tony wasn't interested in those things, although he had nothing against restraining his bottoms if that turned them on.

He gasped, falling onto the bed, Steve had pushed him. Tony landed on his front and before he managed to roll around, Steve lay on top of him. Whilst the proximity of a nude Captin America was all that Tony desired, he couldn't shake the feeling of disquiet. He had to clarify what he was comfortable with. Preferably without delay, as Steve's cock was right between his ass cheeks.

'Let me turn around, I need to tell you something,' he asked and Steve flipped him over. 'I don't bottom. I'm serious, it hurts like hell. I can suck you off or give you a handjob. And don't not tie me up, ok?'

Steve kissed Tony again, more frantically this time and ground his hips, sliding his erection against Tony's. Was the lack of verbal response concerning? Tony scolded himself for focusing on less pleasant things than Steve's tongue pushing between his lips but the cuffs were still there behind him. A large hand stroke down his thigh, cupped the back of his knee and lifted it. Within seconds, Tony's legs were parted and Steve nestled between them, the head of his cock rubbing against Tony's opening. Was he deaf? Tony's hard-on softened and he had a sudden urge to stand up and go home. He crawled backwards to get away from Steve until his hands were gripped tightly and forced above his head. The solid weight of Steve's body kept him in place while he was being handcuffed.

'What the fuck are you doing?' No answer. He thrashed around as much as possible, kicked and bucked violently, enraged by how quickly he was overpowered. Not because he was weaker than Rogers, no, he simply did not expect to be attacked in such circumstances.

At that point, he firmly believed it was just a creepy game, a sick joke. He didn't let himself cry or beg. 'Yeah, you won, you beat me,' he chuckled nervously. Steve's eyes pierced him, not a hint of a smile on his face. 'You're stronger, ok? Now let me go.'

'Later, if you behave yourself.' Steve reached down to guide his cock to the uninviting hole. He was serious and determined to have his way. Tony's heart stopped.

'You mustn't do this,' he said in a sharp tone, hating the edge of panic in his voice. He refused to accept the imminent. 'I don't want any of this. I'm saying no. Sure, in your times, sexual consent could've been optional but now it's crucial. I never wanted you to fuck me.'

'You don't mean it,' Steve said, resting his left hand heavily on Tony's hip to prevent him from shifting. 'Ever since we've met, you've been begging me to notice you. I'm doing it now.'

'What is wrong with you? Stop before it gets too far. I will never forgive you if-'

'You'll crawl back to me, starving for any kind of attention, regardless how rough I'll be with you in a moment.'

Savage kicking and warnings didn't do Tony any good, yet he still had one disgusting option- bodily fluids. He spat on Steve's face, achieving nothing and urinated on his belly and the bed. That was supposed to be a rape-preventing last resort and it failed.

'You have to complicate everything,' Steve accused and wiped the urine with a pillow case. 'You're nothing but trouble.'

'Fuck my mouth, if you have to. anything but this, please,' Tony begged when Steve positioned himself again and began to press in, not wasting time on foreplay. 'Are you crazy? Use lube or spit, I can't take it dry!'

'Will you ever be quiet?'

The tightness and the absence of lubricant made the insertion unintentionally slow, out of frustration, Steve took hold of Tony's hips and pulled them towards him while slamming down hard. Tony's head dropped against the pillow and he screamed in agony. The pain was so intense he couldn't move, even though he wanted to break free at any cost. Even deeper breaths hurt, but it was nothing compared to the first thrusts. A sudden new wave of burning pain brought tears to his eyes and caused a trickle of wetness down there that coincidentally smoothed the way and allowed Steve deeper penetration. The drag of his cock inside him was impossible to ignore, Tony opened eyes and stared at the ceiling and the windows, anything that might distract him. He wished to cover his face and cry silently. Steve surely enjoyed the pained expression and there was no escape from that. Pleading, threatening, kicking was useless, Tony decided to just endure it, swearing revenge.

He thought about all those triggers of concerns he dismissed. Steve was prepared for resistance, he had obtained cuffs to restrain a reluctant bottom. Was Tony the first guy lured there and assaulted? Captain America, above the law, stronger than most people and therefore superior. Power corrupts and no one can resist it. Perhaps something happened between Steve and Howard and that was a revenge or Steve hadn't had sex since 1944 and lost his self-restraint.

'It started to feel good, hmm? You love it, don't you?'

Tony couldn't speak, too dazed to find any words. He was jostled around, pounded and touched but didn't fight, there was no point. His pain tolerance had limits and he was already past them. He started to feel numb and dissociated as if he weren't there on the bed but far from it, out of harm's way. He counted cracks on the ceiling and the cobwebs in the corners. Wondered what were his chances of reaching the summit of Mount Everest, not in the suit, of course, but like other amateurs who want to test themselves. Would he get sick in the death zone, freeze to death and put other climbers' lives at risk? Maybe something less dangerous, then. He could finally finish the 5000-piece jigsaw puzzles he once bought on an impulse or learn a foreign language. Why not Persian? Such a beautiful language.

'Fine, pretend you don't enjoy it, but we both know the truth. You're a slut, Tony, embrace it. You crave this.'

Tony missed Jarvis, his only true friend. He liked Vision, but not as much as his trusty AI. He often caught himself calling Jarvis and felt disappointed when Friday replied. Fucking Ultron, he taught Tony not to have children because doubtlessly, they would become evil and use daddy's technology to destroy the Earth. Fine, he'd be a shitty father anyway. Plus, who would ever want to have his babies? Especially not after this.

'Look at you take it. See? We didn't need lube, you're doing fine without it.'

Steve's voice was muffled and distant, like in a dream. It had to be a dream. As long as Tony didn't look up to see his legs in the air and Steve fucking into him forcefully, he could pretend it wasn't real and he was safe. Besides, Steve was about to finish, right?

Either the serum affected Steve's stamina or Tony lost the track of time. All he knew was that Steve lay next to him, panting and muttering how good it was. Nothing more. Minutes passed and the handcuffs were still secure around Tony's wrists. Either Steve was still savouring his orgasm or he waited to get hard again. The thought didn't terrify Tony, it couldn't get any worse.

'I loved you, Steve,' he confessed. When he heard his hoarse voice, the dam broke and tears poured down his face. 'Did you know? I loved you and you did this to me.'

He didn't beg to be released, not anymore. He couldn't care less about how that night was going to end.

 

Afterwards, Tony didn't allow himself to cry or seek help because he was fine. Sure, Steve ruined a couple of hours of his life but no more. Tony obstinately refused to think about what happened and how it affected him. What good would it do to open up old wounds? Nothing could change the past. He barely got out of the lab, hiding there from the outside world. As long as he avoided people, he didn't have to find explanations for the deep wounds on his wrists or his limping. 

Rogers didn't omit the usual rapist talk and informed Tony that no one would believe him. What a shock, Tony wished he had enough strength to muster a snarky response. Steve was right, though. _What, Captain America raped you? Are you sure it wasn't the other way round? You're the pervert. Everyone likes him and you they barely tolerate, so..._ Besides, what Tony truly wanted was to put it all behind him.

 

To keep himself busy, he offered to give Widow a hand in her search for Bruce. Not to pour his heart out to him, having learnt his lesson, but to have a friend near, just in case. To his dismay, Natasha wasn't exactly alone. She recruited Steve.

Meeting him again was unavoidable and certainly nerve-racking, and thus Tony had practised witty remarks and cruel questions about Bucky. He didn't have the chance to sound smug and confident, though, Steve spoke first. His casual 'Hi, Tony' felt like a solid punch in the face. Not a trace of guilt, remorse or creepy stares. Steve acted like nothing happened. His life was back to normal, he didn't have nightmares, he didn't jump out of his skin when someone's hand brushed against his arm. He was not contaminated, tainted by the rape. He was ok, maybe a little blue about his brainwashed buddy but that's all. Tony, on the other hand, despite his efforts to find peace and reclaim his life, remained on the verge of a mental breakdown, only denial keeping him from falling into the abyss of despair. A howl of rage rose in his chest. Memories he struggled to repress flooded him and he couldn't catch a breath. He overestimated his inner strength. Facing Steve again was more heart-rending than he had envisioned.

'You know what, guys? Bruce will be back when he feels ready. I'm a bit under the weather anyway. Have fun you two!' Tony shouted and flew away as fast as possible. 

 

Tony had been an expert in bottling up emotions and finding new ways of not processing a traumatic experience, yet Steve's attitude was the last straw and the pent up anger finally erupted. Tony had no way of controlling it anymore and hadn't figured out how to vent it in a civilised manner. Instead of something non-aggressive as writing down his chaotic thoughts or a good, long run in the woods, Tony decided to _redecorate_ his place. With every smashed plate, he felt a little better, but then the mental image of a happy Cap returned to him and he carried on until he ran out of ammunition. He stood there, feeling livid, chest heaving and arms throbbing, thoughts about how unfair his life was those days raced through his mind. He drank whisky straight from the bottle due to the lack of glasses, loudly reminding himself not to fucking cry.

A couple of drinks usually made him more sociable and fun and relaxed. Not this time, though. Alcohol fanned the flames and took away the last bits of self-control. Overwhelmed by a powerful rage to destroy, Tony made his way to the lab to turn it, too, into a pile of rubble. His body and mind were ruined, so the tower would share that fate. What was the point of his suits and weapons if nothing protected him from the rape?

He woke up, still drunk, with an alarmingly deep cut on his foot, the lab looking like a post-apocalyptic wasteland. He didn't feel any better. To make himself more miserable, he wondered how it'd be to take Cap to court. Who would even believe Tony? How would they defend Steve? And afterwards, Tony would remain the pathetic victim and people would be afraid of saying the wrong thing when he's in earshot. He didn't want pity or protection. He wanted his old life back, to travel back in time and warn that idiotically happy Tony about the dangers of being alone with Rogers. 

Tony's erratic behaviour didn't concern anyone. Excessive drinking? Self-destruction? Stubborn 'I'm fine' repeated even when no one asked? Business as usual at Stark Tower. Nothing better was expected of Tony. It used to motivate him to prove people wrong but now it only deepened his sorrow. He had never felt more desolate.

 

In a rare moment of relative sobriety, Tony went to the park. He saw kids playing, those carefree little people blissfully unaware of the hardships of adulthood. They still had high expectations and hopes, while Tony, embittered and disillusioned, knew for sure nothing good awaited him.

He sat on a bench, shut his eyes and tried not to think. Something touched him and he jumped up, scaring... a black cat. Green eyes stared at Tony as the terrified feline was deciding whether to flee or fight.

'I'm sorry, dude, chill out,' Tony spoke and amazingly, it worked. The cat settled on the bench, next to Tony. It wasn't a stray, too fat and clean. No collar on its neck, was it a runaway or did someone abandoned it recently? More importantly, why did Tony care? He had bigger worries. But the cat followed him to the car and meowed insistently. Tony recalled stories of people chosen by cats, forced to adopt those sneaky furry creatures and now believed it was possible. Coal the cat jumped into the car and practically told Tony that he had just got a pet.

Coal didn't have a chip and Tony's attempts to find his owners failed. Not that Coal cared, he seemed content with the new surroundings. Tony had never had a living pet. Feeding, petting, keeping the litter box clean and other duties were not a nuisance, as he feared. The new daily routine was actually beneficial for Tony.  He couldn't go on another drunken rampage because Coal had to get his tuna at five am. Also, loud noises frightened Coal, giving Tony a reason not to smash his belongings against the wall, screaming bloody murder. He had heard about cats helping people with PTSD and thought it was bullshit until Coal waltzed into his life. Unlike very enthusiastic and overly attached dogs, Coal didn't overwhelm Tony. Most often, he wanted to be in the same room but in some distance. He would lie down and slowly lick his paws and stretch lazily, surrounded by an air of serenity. When Tony was too dejected to leave his bed, Coal would come to him and rub his soft cheek against Tony's face affectionately. He was also a good listener, Tony talked to him about Steve and how fucked up the whole relationship was, and Coal listened patiently, blinking at Tony occasionally. 

The therapeutic effect of Coal's presence helped Tony get back on his feet. He no longer felt dead inside and had a purpose in his life- to keep his furry buddy alive. Coal depended on him, as all cats, he loved the easy life of a pet and wasn't going to fend for himself again. And then, right then, Steve decided to alienate his friends and tear the Avengers apart. First the disagreement over the Sokovia Accords, then Bucky. Tony had to leave Coal at home and headed to Europe. 

Without the cat, Tony promptly lost his newly-regained self-discipline and snapped, hell bent on killing Bucky, even if that meant getting rid of Steve as well. Watching his parents' death was hard enough and Steve openly chose Bucky over him. Even though he shared a very intimate experience with Tony. That was it, Tony had more than enough reasons to resort to senseless violence.

When Steve once again got the better of him, leant over him and glared hatefully like the previous time, Tony forgot about Coal and wanted to die. Flashbacks distracted him and he lost one more time. Steve was about to kill him and Tony didn't put up much of a fight, he let Steve decide.

 

Back home, with the shield in his hand, Tony finally faced his demons. His feelings for Steve were complicated. Nothing black or white, no pure hatred or unconditional love. But there was love, Tony never stopped loving Steve. He was mad at him for many reasons but secretly hoped they could get back together. It happens right? Rape victims return to their attackers and they start a fairly normal relationship, it's not unusual. Apart from being so devastating and traumatic, rape is also a bonding experience, isn't it? The people involved remain joined by the event. Tony hoped Steve would apologise and ask for a second chance. Or, Steve would see how distraught Tony was and console him. Yet the previous days showed very clearly that Steve had never loved Tony, for him there was always Bucky and no one else. How awkward. Especially that Tony was willing to reconsider his decision not to have sex with Steve ever again. Admitting that to himself was impossibly hard and made Tony feel revolted. Sometimes he thought of that night and how it felt to be filled and taken by Steve. The intensity of it and Steve's groans of pleasure... Those memories aroused Tony and later the guilt was enormous. But Steve forgot and moved on, proved once again that Tony was unimportant to him. There was no happy ending waiting for them.

Clutching the shield close to his chest, at last, Tony let the tears fall. That was not a dignified weeping but noisy, untrollable blubbering, with hiccups, drool and snot. Tony mourned the loss of the dearest friend and of the myth he blindly believed in his entire life. Coal, alarmed, circled Tony, unsure how to help his human. Tony sobbed, open-mouthed and pathetic, screamed out his agony, gagging with all the pain and grief. Oddly enough, he felt better afterwards, the heartache was not as unbearable as before and he found strength to put the shield down and replace it with Coal. Tony hugged the cat and rocked back and forth, snivelling. Coal understood his magic healing powers were needed and purred extra loudly. Tony kissed the furry forehead and sighed, exhausted by his outburst.

Then he heard soft footsteps approaching him. He was in no condition to see anyone, his face was red and blotchy, eyes swollen with crying. His apprehension only grew when he caught a glimpse of a green cape and leather boots. Oh, great, it never rains but it pours.

'What, did you come to finish what you've started?' Tony snarled, angry that Loki chose that particular moment. Coal squirmed and Tony let him go. To his surprise, the cat went up to Loki and greeted him, then rubbed his body against Loki's legs. 'Hey, Fujka,' Loki said tenderly to Coal and petted him lovingly, only then responded to Tony's question. 'On the contrary. Was my generous gift any comfort to you?'

Tony's head was spinning. Coal was Fujka, the cat of Loki, sent to New York to help Tony when he needed it most. Did someone drug Tony, was that a hallucination?

'Listen, Mr I-faked-my-own-death. I'm not in the mood to entertain you. Say what you gotta say, don't spare my feelings and go, I've got stuff to do.'

'Do you mean cultivating your self-loathing? Yes, we had our differences but I don't hate you,' Loki explained calmly. 'Sadly, I know what happened between you and Rogers and I know from experience how long and exhausting recovery is. So I lent you Fujka, he is a master of felinotheraphy.'

'Wait. Wait. What do you mean by- _from experience_?' Tony choked out and immediately found the answer. The love-hate relationship between Loki and Thor, again, one was the black sheep and the other was perfect and loved. 'Oh my God,' Tony groaned, battling a wave of nausea. 'Oh fuck, Loki. Was it Thor?'

Loki gave a nod, his expression blank. Tony imagined the worst scenario possible, a very young Loki, abused for a long time. Something like that had to fuck him up.

'I can relate to how you feel,' Loki continued, oddly amiably. 'I want you to know that you can find peace. It is a discouragingly lengthy process but do not lose hope.'

Tony looked away, too stunned to reply. His true friends didn't notice what he was going through and the only person that genuinely cared about his well-being was his enemy.

'I got Fujka after my latest adventure on Midgard and that little tuna disposal soothed me in the most magical way,' Loki smiled at Coal/Fujka. 'Haven't you, darling?' The cat crooned in response.

'Does it mean you want him back?' Tony asked quietly, terrified. He didn't want a new cat, he wanted Coal. 

'We can share him. Fujka's heart is big enough for two.'

Relived, Tony almost smiled but noticed that Coal was sniffing the shield suspiciously. New tears welled up in Tony's eyes. 'I wanted him to come back to me and love me,' he confessed out of the blue. Only other victims could comprehend the indescribable pain of such secretive and conflicting emotions.

Loki, too, wanted to get things off his chest. 'When it ended, a part of me was sad because that was the only moment Thor and I were really close.'

'I masturbated thinking how he raped me.'

'I tried to seduce him to get his love back.'

'Liquid diet afterwards.'

'And vivid sex dreams.'

'It's my fault. I sensed something was wrong and didn't leave right then.'

'I never refused Thor. Thought my consent was immaterial.'

'I stopped fighting, the pain was too great.'

'He implied I had started it all and I believed''

'I've peed myself to stop him, unsuccessfully.'

'I didn't bathe, same result.'

'I haven't told anyone.'

'Neither have I.'

Loki didn't laugh mockingly, didn't call Tony sick and deranged. He understood Tony and didn't judge him. Even the admission of guilt was not commented on and Tony was grateful for that.

'Nowadays Thor and I are almost civil with each other. Every time we spend time together or simply exchange pleasantries, I'm tempted to as him how he copes with how he had hurt me. How can he live with himself? I would love to hear an honest apology from him, just a simple _I'm sorry_. However, Thor certainly thinks it was all consensual. I've tried to assassinate him countless times, starting with adding alcohol to his juice. I was sure it'd be lethal,' Loki laughed.  

'Jesus, Loki, who old were you? Wait, don't tell me.'

'If only he weren't my brother and friend... I wish I could hate him and kill him, or at least, protect myself.'

'But you didn't want to lose him.'

'And in the end, he chose someone else.' 

Both of them were about to start crying. Tony preferred something more enjoyable and sweeter than unappetising tears. 'You know, we can continue this conversation and wail dramatically or have ice cream.'

'I would love that,' Loki grinned excitedly. 'Last time in New York, I had a wild craving for those pastel-coloured balls but I was a crazed villain, I had to think about my image.'

'It's settled, then. I have tuna popsicles for Coal or Fujka, so he won't be envious.'

The three of them made their way to the freezer. Loki was amazed by the heavenly taste of vanilla ice cream and wolfed down the whole supply of it that Tony had gathered for emergency situations. Coal/Fujka was more fortunate, no one wanted to steal his smelly popsicles for cats.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't you just freaking love how angsty Civil War is? Poor Tony, so much pain, I loved it.


End file.
